From Bike Rides to Boardrooms: The Evolution of Managing Up
A simple childhood lesson in communication and its impact on building strong work relationships.
A Lesson in Managing Up
Growing up in the middle of America in the 80s, my mom was a single working mother who often brought her work home. This was before laptops, Zoom, and the internet, so she spent a lot of time on the phone in the evenings—an actual phone connected to a wall!
As a 9 or 10-year-old, I often felt frustrated when she was on the phone because I needed her permission to do things like go on a bike ride or play with a neighbour. Interrupting her was a big no-no. So, I devised a solution. I would write a note saying:
I want to go on a bike ride with Chris down the street. Is that OK?
___ YES
___ NO
I placed the note in front of her, and she would quickly check the box—usually yes, sometimes no. Then, off I would go, feeling good because I got what I wanted without disrupting her.
Little did I know, this simple action was my first lesson in “managing up.” I found a way to communicate effectively and efficiently with the person who held the power in my world (e.g my mom 🙂). With one simple note, she knew my plans, I had the freedom to do what I wanted, within boundaries, and everyone was happy.
From Transactions to Relationships: The Evolution of Managing Up
Looking back there are a few key lessons that have stayed with me from my early days of bike-riding and note-writing.
That managing up is about more than just getting what I wanted—it was about understanding how to build a cooperative and respectful relationship with someone in a position of authority.
That initially, managing-up is often transactional.
When I say transactional, I mean that first attempts to “manage up” are often focused on meeting your boss's informational needs without causing issues or drawing too much attention. It's about ensuring your boss is:
Happy with your performance.
Informed.
Not overburdened.
The delivery mechanism for this is often written communication of some sort, sent at a regular cadence—a good old weekly update email, for instance.
Don’t get me wrong—writing a clear and concise email and ensuring your boss is in the loop on essential actions and asks is important. So are the regular 1:1s that you may—or may not—have, along with countless other tactical approaches to managing your boss.
However, as we move up the corporate ladder, our approach to managing up needs to evolve dramatically. It’s not just about keeping your boss happy and informed; it’s about building a mutually beneficial relationship. This evolution shifts the narrative of managing up from being:
Transactional to Sustainable: Moving from simply delivering information to building lasting relationships.
Subordinate to Collaborator: Shifting from a hierarchical (or even parental) mindset to a cooperative dynamic.
Tactical to Strategic: Elevating from routine tasks to an intentional focus on how you can grow your relationship with your boss.
While both you and your boss play roles in building this balanced relationship, YOU have to intentionally take the initiative to make it happen. Why? A few theories might shed some light on that:
Cognitive Load Theory: Cognitive load refers to the amount of mental effort being used in the working memory. When it’s high—like when your boss is juggling hundreds of emails, Slack messages, and an airtight schedule—short-term memory can falter, making it harder for them to keep track of everything, including you.
Spotlight Effect: We often think people consider us more than they actually do. But the reality is, everyone—including your boss—is mostly focused on themselves and their own work (hello, ego!), meaning they may not be thinking about you as much as you imagine.
Not that I’m making excuses for your boss, and I get it—you’ve got a lot going on too! But, remember that your boss is human, and they’re dealing with a constant influx of information. So, maybe, just maybe, you’re not at the top of their list today.
But here’s the thing: This is your career, and you need to take responsibility for it. That means it’s up to you to set the tone and drive this relationship forward.
Where do you begin?
If you’re ready to move from transactional managing up to relationship building, start by exploring tools like active listening, empowered questioning, playback, clarifying expectations, and many more, that can help you better understand and navigate your work relationships. The more comfortable you become with each of these, you’ll find more audiences and opportunities to put it to use.
Because like it or not, managing up is not just about building a relationship with your boss. It’s also your bosses boss, stakeholders, team members, peers and beyond. While your relationship with your boss is extremely important, it’s just one of many that will impact your future growth.
Strengthen your managing up skills with Essential Coaching Skills for Product Leaders. In this six-session live course, you’ll learn to actively listen, ask powerful questions, and build strong relationships with your boss and stakeholders. Join a small cohort, apply practical techniques, and transform your leadership approach. Sign up now
